Being the last option is much worse than being the rebound

Matthew Euber. Before I start this out I have to state that Matt is not a bad guy. He really isn't. In fact he is very funny, charming, and knows how to be the sweet guy, the one every girl wants. Matt however has a few things that i could not handle. For one, he is a HUGE drinker. I've never met anyone in my life that drinks SOOO much. Drinking on occasion isn't a huge deal to me, but every day and night is just too much for me to handle. The drunken Matt tells me that he loves me and wants to be with me ( this wouldn't be bad if i had hung out with him/talked to him more than a few times a week.) The sober Matt wants to take things slow, and progress to dating, and is the gentleman that i know and adore. However lately he had only been (for the lack of a better word) clingy. He is constantly calling me ( like eight times in a row) and wanting me to come stay the night at his house ( as if i don't know what that means) I feel bad because i did like him and was going to date him, only now i have a daughter to look after and know that he isn't what she needs as a father figure if things got more serious between him and i. It seems the only reason Matt wants to date me in the first place is because he cannot find a girl to have a family with and i am the last resort. That is something that i just wouldn't do. I think i may have the most terrible luck when it comes to picking out a guy. I don't know what to think about all of this...

Jet Skiing

So, today was the perfect day. Being out on a jet ski with my best friend, and her family was the most awesome thing in the world. First of all, jet skiing is the definition of absolute freedom. Secondly, being on a jet ski with your best friend is absolute freedom and joy. And finally, spending all day at the beach with your daughter and a remarkable family is the most wonderful thing in the entire world. I can't even begin to describe how great my day was today. I took lots of pictures, had lots of smiles and laughs, and well, its about to be a peaceful night. God has just blessed me beyond all reason, and has yet again reminded me that He still cares, and that I'm being taken care of. My feelings are indescribable....... I just need to remember that these days come and go, and so do the horrible ones I don't think i'll make it through. Life is so short, love the time you have, and make it worth while. Do things you wouldn't normally do, laugh more, cry less, and try to look at the bright side of life. That is what I have learned, and today I didn't have to try to enjoy it, it came so easy.

My Crazy Life...

I am officially moved in....

Alright, so i moved in on May 15th. So, the first four nights were TERRIBLE!!! Skyler would not stay asleep through the night at all. She would go to bed around midnight, wake up at three, go back down at four, wake back up at five, and be up for the day at six. It. was. terrible. And on top of that she was SUPER clingy. She did NOT want to be put down AT ALL. This wouldn't have been too bad if i were used to it, what I'm used to is Skyler going to bed at 9:30 and waking up at 10:00. and taking her naps at 12:00 and 4:00. So both of us were off.

Thankfully Skyler has been sleeping through the night for the past two nights. I have never been so happy for sleep, because lately Ive been a walking zombie. Things are calming down, and what has kept me sane is my friend Britt. She's been here for me any time i have needed her, and I'm very blessed to have such a completely awesome friend. :D

There has been so much drama with my other friends that I'm not even going to go into because its just too much to write, and too much to think about this late at night. ( this used to be early a few weeks ago) I'm hoping things get better because these two friends are very important to me regardless of what they are doing without even realizing it. My family is seeming happier right now, I'm not sure because i don't live there anymore, but they seem happier.

So, that's the story.....We'll see how things go in about two weeks. I'm pretty sure ill have more to go through , but ill still have God, and my friend to help me through it.

Not much, but yet, so much

Okay, so moving day is like, a second and a half away. I'm really hoping that I'm making the right decision. I still have a lot, and I'm trying to trust in God. This may very well be the hardest thing i have ever had to do.

Mothers Day :)

So, this mothers day was really the best mothers day ever. I spent a whole lot of time with my family, smiled for every picture ( even though i hate getting my picture taken) and just had the best day. Today life was treating me very well. I am SO blessed to have such a great family. They really are amazing. My mom and I were talking about Skyler being born, and how much she has grown, which led to many similar conversations. I love my mom with everything in me, yes, things get tough, but that doesn't lessen the love i have for her. This mothers day had me reflecting on the past year with Skyler. She is such a good baby,( even when she is being defiant.) , shes very smart ( lets hope she uses that in her teenage years), very lovable, and most of all, shes mine. I cant imagine life without her. Yes, being a mom is some hard work, but I wouldn't trade her for this whole world. Today was definitely a day that i wish could go on forever, but sadly it has come to an end with this blog. I hope every mother out there has had this good of a day.

And so the time has come...

The time to make real decisions are here, and God help me. I'm no good at making decisions. The decision to stay where I'm going to be moving, the decision to keep the friends i have in my life, all sorts of decisions are right there, just screaming in my face. Life is getting more complicated, somehow it's always some sort of drama. I hope that it gets better, and fast. Life is also being good to me at the same time. My little girl is getting bigger every day, saying more, smiling more, and I'm loving every second of being a mother. The issue is that now i do have her to look after. She cant say "mommy i want to live her, this is better for me." That's my best example. I'm don't waiting for my knight and shining armor, its fairly obvious he isn't real. I'm just going to concentrate on Skyler, and where I'm going in life (school, job, house...) Life is just a bunch of choices. lIFe. the word "if" is never going to go away. So i hope that God can help me make the right choices this time around.