So this is the first time in a long time that ive even had time to sit down and write anything. Right now, im not going to care about correct spelling or punctuation, this is more of a place for me to just vent and/or look back at where ive come from.

Now comes all the fun:

The saying "Its too quiet" is so true. My little three year old wants to get into everything! She's very curious, and very smart. She is now just like her mother, and sarcasm is her second language. *smack self on head here* Shes as sweet as ever when shes happy, and can throw the most giant fits in the universe. Skyler has helped me tremendously in learning patience. Some days I wish she were my little peanut again, small and peaceful in my arms, but Ive come to realize that, even though i absolutely loved those times, I love hearing her thoughts more. I love the little girl that dances like crazy to any type of music, uses her imagination when shes playing wither her barbies, and tells me how much she loves me at complete random. Life without my little girl wouldn't be worth living. Shes brought so much joy and meaning into my life.

Next year, Skyler will be in school. (oh boy) I hope she is nothing like me when it comes to this. I hope that she has amazing teachers like I had, one that wont let her forget that she has potential. I hope that she succeeds in life, and always trys her best. In all the things that i hope, there is one thing I know, Skyler will always know that her Mommy loves her.

So maybe I think too much, and maybe Im thinking about things I dont even need to think of right now, but at least I know what I want for my little girl. Im going to do anything, and everything to insure that she has an amazing life.

The latest things...

Terrible two's. I can see why people came up with the name. My daughter isn't so bad. She's a very intelligent child. At two years, and three months, my baby girl can talk in sentences, hold a pretty good conversation, knows right from wrong, and she knows a lot more than a two year old typically does. However, as my little girl grows, so does her personality. She is JUST like her mother. She is very well behaved....when she wants to be. When she doesn't get her way, she fights tooth and nail. This little girl has fits like no other child does. She can also be the most loving little girl I've ever seen.


"Daddy" doesn't make things easier for her. Now he is around. The quote "Be careful what you wish you" is too true. I used to wish he was in her life, that he would just care. Well, wish granted. Now he is all up in her life. My baby girl doesn't want him there, and now I have to fight extremely hard to get him out. Turns out that "daddy" isn't such a good daddy, after all.


Being a mother is the hardest, and most rewarding job there is. I see Skyler grow every day, and I'm so proud of her. There are trying days of course, but that's okay with me. I still love waking up and watching Barney, writing her name with her over and over again, drawing all the shapes for her a million times, and eventually, I'll miss stepping on those toys she leaves out, and hearing her laugh at the goofy words I use to replace swear words. I know that I'll miss these days, even the ones that aren't going so well.


Skyler is the light of my life, I don't know what I would do without her. I could never imagine life without my little peanut. She amazes me every single day. I just hope that she doesn't view school the same way I did. If she does, I'll be looking for the "Miss Hoyle" that will make sure she does her best, and isn't afraid to tell her mother when she acts up. I hope that she doesn't make the same mistakes I do, but even if she does, I'll be right here to make sure she does better, and make sure that she knows I still love her, forever and always.

Skyler Anne

My little girl is now two years old. Time is flying by..it's crazy. She's almost completely potty trained, she can sing her ABC's and count to ten perfectly. She's saying full sentences, she is the most advanced child I have ever seen. I have no idea where she gets it from, but I'm so proud of her. She also knows the colors red, green, blue, and pink...and she knows the shapes square, rectangle, oval, and octagon. I can't take much credit for that though, its her puzzles : ) Anyway, she's incredible. My life has completely changed since I had her. I never seen my life having such a turn. I go back to the age sixteen, when I thought life wasn't worth living, when I hated everyone and everything. If I could go back to sixteen year old me, I'd tell myself to start trying harder. I wish I had tried harder in school, because I want to give Skyler a great life. Now it's my second chance. I'm looking forward to every single second I have with her. I'm going to teach her everything I can, and tell her everywhere I've been, and maybe she can learn from my mistakes. I'm not going to look at my daughter and expect her to be perfect, even though she always will be to me. I wont pretend like I was a perfect kid. My daughter will know that I'm human, and I have, and will make mistakes, and that's okay. So for now, we'll learn together, and I'll be the best mother I can be for her.

falling forward as she walks toward the light...

So.... my best friend is leaving tomorrow. normally writing helps, but, being in the state I'm in now, i dont think that it will. Anyway, she's leaving tomorrow at like, 7AM, and I am dreading it, to say the least. She's pretty much been my strength. She's been there as i let things, and people, go. She's been around to remind me what i'm fighting for, and, shes just been my goofy as heck, best friend. Im going to miss her like CRAZY. she doesnt have normal breaks like all the other college students, because she's in so much stuff. i think mostly choir is what takes up most of her time. Anyway yeah, this sucks, and im not feeling any better. the end.

Letting go...

Recently my message has been to just let go, so, i have been letting go, a lot. Its hurting much more than i thought it would this time. I've let go of a former love, three friends, and now I'm about to let go of my real friend, but in a different aspect. She's just going back to college, still, there goes my source of strength. I'm just, so confused. Why would God ask me to let go of everything and everyone, when, now I'm just more down. I don't completely get how that works, but then again, who is able to get how God works?

: /

Alright, so let me start this out with saying this : this summer has been the best summer ever, regardless of anything that's been going on. I've been in a great home, with some great people, and with my best friend. It has also been full of a lot of good memories with a whole lot of fun.
However, i am extremely worried about it ending, obviously every good season has to have an end, its just going to be hard without my friend Britt. She's been my strength in every way. She pushes me forward, yet holds me back. She holds my hand through the fire in life, yet brings joy when there seems to be none around. And most of all, she reminds me daily of what really matters in this life, God. Shes only going to school, it really shouldn't be this hard, but i know I'm going to cry like a little baby when she leaves. My relationship with God shouldn't change, no matter who is in my life, the only way it would change is if it got better. Its just going to be really hard without her, so i guess i just had to write it down, because my old friends will definitely come around much more because they know she's not going to be around soon to slap sense into me. So.... i guess ill see how strong i have gotten over this short time.

Still Quitting

Today is only day two in a row that i have "quit smoking." It's one of those things that i just see myself going back to time and time again. I am just going to keep myself going this time. I dont want to see myself fail again. The last time i "quit" smoking was when i was pregnant with Skyler. I quit for nine months or so, and then one night my little month old daughter would not stop crying. So i went out, and had a cigarette, and felt like failure all over again. So, I went inside, changed my clothes ( so Skyler didnt breathe anything in) and thought about if i should even start again after nine months of quitting. At that time i didn't want to start but my every once in a while cigarette turned into my every morning cigarette, which turned into my every hour cigarette. So now again i look at my life, and look at my child, and i just want to actually quit. The addiction doesnt last long, its when the stress hits that i have to figure out something productive to do instead of smoking.